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#26 01/30/07 19:01

Tracker
Member
From: Germany
Registered: 01/14/07

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

Your offer sounds interesting for me.
I've tried to send you an email, but I got an error.
Therefore I sent you the text as message.
Please read it and tell me, what you think about. smile


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#27 02/05/07 18:02

Tracker
Member
From: Germany
Registered: 01/14/07

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

Coras_eyes.jpg
For part 3 of my novel Project 257 I’ve drawn a small picture, scanned it in and colored it with Photoshop.
Please have a closer look at it.
Do you really think, you know this nice looking girl?^^
Maybe you think it’s Eve and it definitely would be possible, if you look at the two pictures here.
I mean especially the right girl with the dark sunglasses.
Do you recognize the similarity?
But no, it isn’t Eve. It’s Cora!
Therefore, I named the picture “Coras eyes”.
Well, who is Cora?
Cora is a clone. She looks like Eve and she claims to be her sister. She describes Eve as genetic waste.
Cora has mutated to a very aggressive creature with terrible green eyes and with claws at her hands.
She is much stronger and quicker than Eve.
Eve has to fight against her at the end of part 3 of my novel.
Only with good look Eve has a chance to survive against Cora, who plays with her cat and mouse.

Please let’s make a little experiment.
Look at your monitor and find out where the brightness regulator is.
Then darken the room and turn off the light and if it’s really dark watch Coras eyes at the monitor.
Turn slowly down the brightness regulator, so that the picture gets more and more darker.
Then look at the picture.
Can you feel the fear which must grow in Eve, when she looks in Coras eyes in the dark cave of Dr. Andersons zoo?
Eve fears that she could also mutate to a creature like Cora, with terrible green eyes and claws at her hands.
And when it happens, would she then get just as aggressive and evil like Cora?

Questions about questions, but no answer.
What remains is only a terrible uncertainly for Eve, whether she is also a clon and mutates sometimes, too.

But now, I think it’s time for part 3 of my novel.
ONI fans will become recognize some similar dialogs and scenes like ONI, used in another connection.
Enjoy.^^

Project 257 part 1 (German, 18 pages)
Project 257 part 2 (German, 16 pages)
Project 257 part 3 (German, 19 pages)

Last edited by Tracker (02/06/07 01:02)


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#28 02/06/07 08:02

paradox-01
Member
From: Germany
Registered: 01/14/07

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

ONI fans will become recognize some similar dialogs and scenes like ONI, used in another connection.
Enjoy.^^

Evil double and mutants .. yeah definitive connections smile  But I think there is something else: help calling raptors ("Jurassic Park 3"), little hobbits with sharp Teeth (might be from "Diablo 2" or from this crazy TV documentation three month ago (1) (2), quite funny but not really to believe) and these cat eyes from Cora ("Mutant X" - well you told me already). However it may be for first two - I like it.

PS: I took away contrast also. Effect: her pupils seems to get bigger - it's like she really adapts to the dark ^^

Last edited by paradox-01 (02/09/07 05:02)

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#29 02/06/07 10:02

geyser
Member
From: beyond the veil
Registered: 01/14/07
Website

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

Downloaded part 3. Will probably read it tonight. No comment on clones/mutants until then smile
I don't think much of Cora's eyes (my laptop's settings don't let me enjoy the full effect).
In order to adapt to virtually complete darkness, the pupil should nearly vanish in normal light.
I keep thinking of that as a disturbing way to represent Konoko: solid irises, pupil reduced to a dot.

Last edited by geyser (02/06/07 10:02)


Behold the power of that which is yet unborn! For the swirling images that flow forth from the Chrysalis are only a shadow of the sleeper's true power.

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#30 02/07/07 07:02

geyser
Member
From: beyond the veil
Registered: 01/14/07
Website

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

Hm. Hm. I must say that, up to know, I thoroughly enjoyed Part 1 and let's-say-half of Part 2.
As for part 3, it has a "safari" feel to it, that reminds me of Jules Verne and Mayne Reid a lot.
(of course, you can take that as a compliment, too: being compared to Jules Verne...)
The Vernish "safari" is actually present everywhere, for technology and such. It's deliberate.
And it's OK, but for a certain class of readers, this (just as Verne's stuff) will seem tedious smile
Part 3 is where that aspect really can't be ignored. I kinda expected more from the Zoo...

Heh, quoting Good Omens:

"What've you been cryin' for?" said Adam bluntly.
"Oh? Oh, I've just lost something," said Anathema. "A book."
"I'll help you look for it, if you like," said Adam gallantly. "I know quite a lot about books, actually. I wrote a book, once. It was a triffic book. It was nearly eight pages long. It was about this pirate who was a famous detective. And I drew the pictures." And then, in a flash of largess, he added, "If you like I'll let you read it. I bet it was a lot more excitin' than any book you've lost. 'Specially the bit in the spaceship where the dinosaur comes out and fights with the cowboys. I bet it'd cheer you up, my book. It cheered up Brian no end. He said he'd never been so cheered up."

I'm quoting this because this part 3 had quite a few of those moments when I went like "Raptors. Of course."

Still no comments on clones and mutants. Not until I see more of Eve and Emily.
I mean The End. I'm curious about what The End will look like in your case.

A comment on political correctness: how come raptors don't wear pants, too? smile

I liked the bit about Adams's motivations.

Last edited by geyser (02/07/07 07:02)


Behold the power of that which is yet unborn! For the swirling images that flow forth from the Chrysalis are only a shadow of the sleeper's true power.

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#31 02/07/07 23:02

Tracker
Member
From: Germany
Registered: 01/14/07

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

Thank you for your nice comments. smile

What I have written about Cora's eyes above should only seem entertaining.
I wanted to transmit an idea of it to the reader, how I imagine the terrible, cat-similar eyes of Cora and maybe as Eve must feel, if she mutates and recognizes, that the process is irreversible.

I know the picture isn't perfect but the contrast of Cora's normal face to the inhuman green eyes works both fascinating and frightening on me.
I tried to imagine a heroine like Eve, who must wear these sunglasses to look normal and the effect on others if she takes off the sunglasses.

I wrote that Cora delivers her claws if she spreads her hands.
I know that this is nonsense, because claws with cats work quite differently than at a human hand, but nevertheless it has fascinated me to install these mobile claws into my novel and perhaps in my future game.

@paradox-01
Yes, the idea of decoding the DNA of prehistoric dinosaurs like raptors really has fascinated me in Jurassic Park.
I know the three Jurassic Park films and have looked at also further information and books to this topic.
The writer-directors of Jurassic park have changed her ideas over raptors.
These will be birds in Jurassic park 4, but in my novel raptors will remain lizards.

little hobbits with sharp Teeth (might be from "Diablo 2" or from this crazy TV documentation three month ago)

Well I have never played Diablo 2, but hey! What about “this crazy TV documentation”? Have I missed something?^^

The cat look is activated only briefly in MutantX to be aware of the environment more sharply.
But in my novel, if Eve will mutate, the effect with the cat-similar eyes will presumably be irreversible.
Eve will be very depressed about this and will have to wear sunglasses or contact lenses to look normal.

@geyser
I see, it isn't easy to satisfy you.
Part 3 has me personally pleased actually very much, what a pity,  it didn't satisfy your expectations.

The raptors in Dr. Andersons zoo are normal, prehistoric dinosaurs.

A comment on political correctness: how come raptors don't wear pants, too?

Perhaps you will experience it if Anderson mutates.^^

In part 1 I wrote, that Anderson was very ill because he carried out experiments to upgrade his own body.
The reason why Andersons skin has degenerated and turned scaly is, because he has treated himself with unstable raptor genes.
Although he has cured himself with the C-Serum, he will mutate in part 4 of my novel, because of an overdose of it.
It's good, that in my story raptors are lizards, otherwise must Anderson have feathers according to Jurassic Park 4.^^

Last edited by Tracker (02/08/07 01:02)


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#32 02/08/07 08:02

geyser
Member
From: beyond the veil
Registered: 01/14/07
Website

Re: Project 257 (from my dreams about ONI2 to my own story)

We have a lot of Cora supermarkets here in France smile
Did you name Cora after the Greek goddess (AKA Persephone)?

What I meant about PC is that if you were a gnome with a total fixation on "Fressen", would you really bother to dress?

I'm very picky indeed. My professional orientation makes it harder for me to enjoy Jules Verne and similar "encyclopedical adventure" (what I called "safari").

I expected there to be "lots of mutation" in the second half of your novel, but I didn't exactly expect it to be "furry"/"feathery"/"scaly".
Cross-breeding animals is not the most convincing "mutation" you can imagine (when it comes to me). That's why I refocused on Emily smile
Emily's "mutation" is unfamiliar. Eve's used to be disturbing at the start, because of the unknown component: WTF will she become?
As soon as you say "cat" and show Cora, the mutation is gross/scary at best: the element of mystery and suspense is gone. Meow.
Parts 1 and 2 let you expect anything for Eve (sorta like for Oni's Konoko). From Part 3 on, her future is sealed: Catwoman... or not.
So I definitely keep an eye on Emily as the only character with a "dark future" from now on. And I hope for pleasant surprises smile

Last edited by geyser (02/08/07 13:02)


Behold the power of that which is yet unborn! For the swirling images that flow forth from the Chrysalis are only a shadow of the sleeper's true power.

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